Was it a Dream or Just My Imagination?

This may sound really weird for some, but I had a dream the other night. Two people/twins, babies, or souls were talking to me in my dream. They said they were Rico and Ram. That was the name they wanted. I said I don't like Ram because a popular celebrity here in the Philippines (Pops Fernadez) has a son with the same name. After a while its like we agreed to change it to Ramon. That was all that I remembered in my dream.

As soon as I woke up, I was not really sure whether it was really a dream or it just my imagination going wild.....I remembered my doctor who kept on telling me to call on to the "souls" so that they'd be there during our baby making time. I wonder whether these were the souls that she was telling me????

Why twins? Its been a standing joke between my doctor and us (hubby and I) because there was an instance wherein she saw "two" me while I was waiting for her in the lobby of her clinic. Then she asked me if there was a history of twins in our family and I said my paternal grandfather had a twin. She said that there's a big chance for twins especially if its coming from the mother side.

I am not really sure what this is all about. Whether we'll have twins or not, it does not really matter. We are only wishing for one child at this point. But, who knows???

Only time will tell....

Day 10 FSH Test

Had my Day 10 FSH test last Friday and on the same day I also got the results.

F/sh (Follicle Stimulating Hormone): 4.66
Ovulatory Phase Reference Value: 4.7 - 21.5 mIU/mL

Hmm, looks like I'm at the borderline. Not really sure what this means but based on my research, it would have been worrisome or it is much more difficult to get pregnant if I got a higher results.

I'll know for sure once I see my doctor next week.

Another test on Day 20 or 21, this time progesterone.

Updates....

Had my check-up early this morning and had an 1 1/2 session with my doctor. The first thing she asked me was "how are you?". So I said I'm a bit more emotional nowadays. She said that's good because that's a form of release.

Then she started asking me about my relationship with my Mom. So I told her that when I was a kid I was very dependent on my Mom. I used to sleep beside her till I was in college and most of the time I literally wanted to be with my Mom 24/7. Wherever she goes, may it be a gathering with her friends in the neighborhood, parlor, supermarket, etc. I'd always want to tag along. I became independent when I started working. I also told her that My Mom and I are really close since I lost my Dad when I was 3 1/2 years old. Then she said, did I see my Mom grieve? I said I don't remember because I was too young. She's thinking that my Mom's way of grieving was to give me a lot of attention to more or less cope with the loss of my Dad. Although, this does not mean that she loved my brothers any less. I may have been her focus of attention being an only girl in order to move on after loosing my Dad.

My doctor said that this maybe another "layer" that's surfacing and slowly I am re-discovering the "true me". She said to just let it happen and just try to see my emotional developments/changes in the next few days.

She also interpreted my estradiol, FSH and progesterone. She was happy with the results and she may just need to look into my husband more closely. I have another test tomorrow which is day 10 of my cycle.

I also mentioned about the water birth that I saw in the net and while I was telling her about this, she was having goose bumps. We don't what it means yet......

All in all everything was good and I'm bound to see her in 2 weeks time :)

Test Results

I had my tests for FSH, progesterone and estradiol during follicular phase and I also got the results this afternoon. Instead of going to the hospital for the test, I just had a home service from an independent lab that's why the results were fast.

Here are the results:

Progesterone - 0.631 Follicular Phase Reference Value: 0.2 - 1.5 mg/mL
FSH - 9.4 Follicular Phase Reference Value: 3.5 - 12.5 mIU/mL
Estradiol - 44.96 Follicular Phase Reference Value: 12.5-166 pg/mL

Based on what I saw it looks like everything is normal. Whew, thank God for that....I really prayed hard that there will be no negative results because I was scared that another complication will manifest. I am just glad that everything looks normal.

I'll be seeing my doctor next week so I'll know for sure if I correctly interpreted the results.

Another test on day 10 of my cycle :)

New Blood Tests for ME

Tomorrow would be day 3 of my cycle and my doctor recommend that I undergo blood tests for the following progesterone, FSH and Estradiol.

Progesterone - progesterone levels vary predictably throughout the menstrual cycle, multiple (serial) measurements can be used to help recognize and manage some causes of infertility. Progesterone can be measured to determine whether or not a woman has ovulated, to determine when ovulation occurred, and to monitor the success of induced ovulation.

In early pregnancy, progesterone measurements may be used, along with human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) testing, to help diagnose an ectopic or failing pregnancy (progesterone levels will be lower than expected), although this will not differentiate between the two conditions. Progesterone levels also may be measured throughout a high-risk pregnancy to help evaluate placenta and fetal health.

Progesterone levels may be monitored in women who have trouble maintaining a pregnancy, as low levels of the hormone can lead to miscarriage. If a woman is receiving progesterone injections to help support her early pregnancy, her progesterone levels may be monitored on a regular basis to help determine the effectiveness of that treatment.

In women who are not pregnant, progesterone levels may be used, along with other tests, to help determine the cause of abnormal uterine bleeding.

FSH - often used in conjunction with other tests (LH, testosterone, estradiol, and progesterone) in the workup of infertility in both men and women. FSH levels are used to help determine the reason a man has a low sperm count. FSH levels are also useful in the investigation of menstrual irregularities and to aid in the diagnosis of pituitary disorders or diseases involving the ovaries or testes. In children, FSH and LH are used to diagnose delayed or precocious (early) puberty.

Estradiol - To measure or monitor your estrogen levels if you are a woman who has unexplained abnormal menstrual cycles, abnormal or heavy bleeding, infertility, symptoms of menopause, or any other hormonal alterations; also used to test for fetal-placental status during early stages of pregnancy; the presence of female-like characteristics in males may require estrogen measurement as well.

Hopefully everything comes out okay...

Water Birth, Is this A Sign?

Ok see my previous post about water birth? Guess what, a local TV show called the Correspondents featured it in one of their segments.

I was so surprised because the timing is so uncanny. Hmmm, I wonder if this is really a sign that I'm bound to have a water birth?

Anyway, first step is still to get pregnant. I don't want to think about my method of birth until I get pregnant :)

New Medicine for My Thyroid

My doctor gave me a new medicine for my thyroid and its suppose to help my metabolism as well to speed my weight loss. Its called "Bladderwrack or Fucus versiculosus", the taste is indescribable. I put 60 drops in little water and I take it twice a day before meals. After taking it, I felt like vommiting. Ughhhh, I hate the taste.

On another note....

I don't know why I'm so emotional today....I researched about the waterbirth and I was really amazed with it. There was this particular clip that made me cry. After the woman gave birth in the water and then she immediately held the baby in her arms. I was just crying. It may sound weird but I truly felt the emotions of the Mom in seeing her baby and holding him in her arms. It felt like it was me and I somehow connected with the Mom or I saw myself how I would feel once I get to hold my baby for the first time. Right now, while writing about this experience, its getting me spooked.

I think is still part of me rebirth or my re-connection with myself. Hmm, do I sound crazy to some people? Maybe, but then I really don't care.

What's happening to me???

Reborn...

Those were the exact words my doctor said to me earlier when we had our consultation.

She is back from more than a months training in the US so as expected it was a long consultation with her. It lasted for about an hour and a half.

As our usual routine, the first thing she asked me was "How are you?". Upon hearing that questions, I said I'm but I noticed some changes in me. At first I disregarded what was actually happening to me but to my surprise it was actually a major breakthrough.

So, I told her surprisingly I started writing, telling her that I have a blog about my journey in conceiving a baby. I said that I've never really written like this and this is a bit new to me. I think the last time I jotted down my thoughts was about five years ago. Then I said I'm a lot bubblier, happier and a bit more "kulit" than I used to. Another change is that I started being conscious again about how I look, wearing make-up, change of wardrobe and its like a new me. Lastly, I said that I started being more "sociable" now. After I resigned, I had this urge to just be myself most of the time and was not really in the mood to socialize that much. Nowadays, I'm the certified "social directress" in the group. I always organize the get together with my friends.

After sharing all this she said, that's good. You shed of a "layer". You are Reborn.When she says layer, it means that as we grow old we have the tendency to change from who we really are because of the environment, crisis/problems, family, etc. Meaning anything that affects us tends to change who we really are. She said the "layer" I accumulated or that molded me during my "corporate life" is being shed off. The true me is coming out. She also said that this time she's confident that I truly and have finally grieved my miscarriage. This major crisis (miscarriage) that happened to me affected me so much and in order to cope I added a layer to myself.

Upon hearing this and when she said that I was reborn, I started crying . Upon hearing all of these things, everything really made sense. It also explained all the changes and this lighthearted feeling that I had.

She also said that being in tune to yourself or being "spiritual" is the best or ideal state for me because it signifies that I am ready to face the world. Being spiritual does not mean being religious but more of knowing and being in tuned with yourself. She says that I am completely ready to move on and readier than I'll ever be to become a "Mommy". She is actually encouraging me to continue writing because this will help me to heal completely.

Whew, the whole time we were discussing my situation I was really crying.....After that she shared her experiences in her convention in the US. She mentioned "water birth". Literally, giving birth in the water which she is planning to set-up here. She said I think you and your husband are just waiting for this. She said this because she knew that my husband loves the water :)

For my next consultation, she will again re-take my constitution because she feels that will be different this time because of that layer I shed off.

It was a very enlightening and encouraging consultation from her....