Reborn...

Those were the exact words my doctor said to me earlier when we had our consultation.

She is back from more than a months training in the US so as expected it was a long consultation with her. It lasted for about an hour and a half.

As our usual routine, the first thing she asked me was "How are you?". Upon hearing that questions, I said I'm but I noticed some changes in me. At first I disregarded what was actually happening to me but to my surprise it was actually a major breakthrough.

So, I told her surprisingly I started writing, telling her that I have a blog about my journey in conceiving a baby. I said that I've never really written like this and this is a bit new to me. I think the last time I jotted down my thoughts was about five years ago. Then I said I'm a lot bubblier, happier and a bit more "kulit" than I used to. Another change is that I started being conscious again about how I look, wearing make-up, change of wardrobe and its like a new me. Lastly, I said that I started being more "sociable" now. After I resigned, I had this urge to just be myself most of the time and was not really in the mood to socialize that much. Nowadays, I'm the certified "social directress" in the group. I always organize the get together with my friends.

After sharing all this she said, that's good. You shed of a "layer". You are Reborn.When she says layer, it means that as we grow old we have the tendency to change from who we really are because of the environment, crisis/problems, family, etc. Meaning anything that affects us tends to change who we really are. She said the "layer" I accumulated or that molded me during my "corporate life" is being shed off. The true me is coming out. She also said that this time she's confident that I truly and have finally grieved my miscarriage. This major crisis (miscarriage) that happened to me affected me so much and in order to cope I added a layer to myself.

Upon hearing this and when she said that I was reborn, I started crying . Upon hearing all of these things, everything really made sense. It also explained all the changes and this lighthearted feeling that I had.

She also said that being in tune to yourself or being "spiritual" is the best or ideal state for me because it signifies that I am ready to face the world. Being spiritual does not mean being religious but more of knowing and being in tuned with yourself. She says that I am completely ready to move on and readier than I'll ever be to become a "Mommy". She is actually encouraging me to continue writing because this will help me to heal completely.

Whew, the whole time we were discussing my situation I was really crying.....After that she shared her experiences in her convention in the US. She mentioned "water birth". Literally, giving birth in the water which she is planning to set-up here. She said I think you and your husband are just waiting for this. She said this because she knew that my husband loves the water :)

For my next consultation, she will again re-take my constitution because she feels that will be different this time because of that layer I shed off.

It was a very enlightening and encouraging consultation from her....